Karaoke

Tonight I went out with my cousins to a cute little gay karaoke bar downtown. I fought my hair for what seemed like hours to get it in a decent afro. I left feeling ok and not too concerned with my looks. However, I was stopped several times and was told, by gay men mind you, that I looked gorgeous tonight. That was really what I needed to hear when it came to my natural hair. It is such a challenge to get used to my new look at times. I love it, but I don’t know if I come off looking just crazy to others. Well I locked in the crazy part by singing a horrible rendition of Ciara’s Promise, so that’s not too much of a worry.

My cousin blew us AWAY with free yourself by Fantasia. He really knows how to fill a whole room with beauty.

Fun night altogether.

Natural Journey

I have not regretting cutting my hair. I have especially not regretted going natural, because I really plan on never perming again… whether it comes to me straightening my hair with heat or going with braids for the rest of my life, I will never touch the creamy crack. Its funny because I don’t feel I was ever ADDICTED to perms, I just never knew a better way, or any other way for that matter.

However, I am facing a few challenges. I really don’t feel as pretty with short hair, the unattractiveness has nothing to do with my natural texture, just the length. It is a little daunting at times, because I didn’t realize how much I was really addicted to long weaves and the like. I just want a huge head of hair right now lol.

So many black women these days are going natural, I don’t feel like I’m paving some revolutionary road… it would have been more fun if I was lol. Sure I see about 50% in perms and the rest in weaves, but a good 25% are natural, which is much more than I had noticed before.

I wonder if black men are used to natural hair, or if they still think that black women with weaves etc.. are much more well taken care of. I compare it to breast now. Lots of men actually seem to love fake breast, which I though more men would prefer the natural, but it seems like that’s not the case…[ side bar : I feel like every day, I am lowering my chances of finding a suitable match with my bold choices in life ].

I have been trying new styles on my hair all the time. It seems like for my hair length right now, bantu knots are working the best. I tie my hair in the little knots all over my head and take them out in the morning, and I have a nice full head of soft curls that has an afro shape. Its cute. I don’t like my hair in a wash n go afro right now, my hair is just too short. And the twist outs and braid outs just aren’t working either. I was rocking a mohawk for a while, but I got tired of being so extreme.

I have been moisturizing with Infusion 23 with a nice coating of shea butter over it. Its left my hair soft all day. I have been washing my hair almost everyday with just Olive Oil Conditioner as well. Water is good for my hair and the conditioner just seals in the nutrients to keep it from frizzing out. I also rinse with vinegar before I condition. I know weird… but it oddly defines my curls really nicely and I assume, from my limited knowledge of chemical reactions, that it is cleaning and killing bacteria in my hair. So far its working out and I love the after effects. I only use about  a tablespoon…. only what will ft in a hand full at a time. Once again, I can’t wait to see what the vinegar treatment will do when my hair is –longer-. lol

Dieting

This is my second week on slim fast. So far it has been alright. I am always surprisingly full off my shakes. The hardest part is deciding to drink a shake instead of eating normal food though. I weigh about 180 lbs and I am 5’7”. I wear a size 11 in jeans… barely. I want to get back down to a size 9 at least. I don’t find that unreasonable.

My moods are slipping however. I notice the longer I’m going under this diet, I’m becoming more emotionally pained. I was a smiley happy go lucky girl just a few weeks ago, now I’m becoming bitter, angry and obsessive. I don’t think I’m getting enough of some type of nutrient because I am just unmotivated these days.

I haven’t been exercising, so that could be the key element.

Or maybe I’m just going up and down like I usually do when it comes to my emotional well being.

I feel pinched and unsatisfied.

Love vs Chemical wiring

In other words, you’re screwed. You never know who you’re gonna fall for so guards up!

Sex

I’m about to learn about the science of love. I’ve been waiting for this education my whole life. Yay life span development psychology class!

I just know its a lot less romantic than we think or sing or fantasize about.

If I remember I might share some tidbits.

My mom is getting married

I didn’t think I would have to actually go through something like this at my age. It seems a little odd to me, but hey- its life. My life is not at all quite like I’d expected it would be.

I was pissed at first. Always talking about this guy like they were fricken high school sweethearts and talking about marriage before I even knew what the guy looked like good. I was livid.

Well… I say it like that because I have completely taken a 180. It really wasn’t like I perceived at all. In fact, I only wish she had met this dude 24 years ago so I might have had a great dad to look up too. He’s a really nice person, kind, attentive to my mom, low key, warm, mellow, sincere, genuine. He’s just the man my mom needs. She was smart to wed him up fast. You don’t like stuff like that go when you have it. He doesn’t shut Jade and I out. He doesn’t act like we’re in the way or an inconvenience… which was a steady feeling I felt from my first step dad. For all I know my dad loved me the best way he knew how, but I still was lacking  A LOT from him. I already feel like I am getting that father figure in my life that I have never had before. I really have no man to turn to in my life for advice or guidance. So I’m thinking he could possibly make a great addition to the fam bam.

Now am I still totally geeked about this whole situation? Hell no. Its still moving at hyper speed and I wish I had a little time to adjust to the whole idea of my mom not being just my own anymore. But at the same time, I’m thrilled for her and I’m extremely happy for her. She really did good for herself and she absolutely deserves a good man in her life.

What I’ve learned about men

I really don’t feel like I’m that bitter man-hating and eating type woman… yet. I mean there is a strong possibility I could be that woman one day, but that’s not the case yet. Sure I still have some hope and a prayer that one day I’ll find someone that is as up to par in life as I am. But until then, I’ve come to a grave understanding of men.

They are just not as good as women. At least not the average joe anyways. Women need to STOP falling over their hands feet and self esteem for a dude that hasn’t even considered seeing you as a potential life partner. We NEEEEEED to look at men as they look at us. We are a dime a dozen to them. They want girls girls girls. So we need to see them the same exact way. “Boys boys boys.. boys I do adore…” or  “I just want to @^%# all  the boys in the world.” This mentality is extremely vital to keeping your dignity in this day in age. No he’s not the ONE. No you’re not in LOVE. Screw that scary noise. It’s a road to no where. You know when you can start thinking about love… when this dude is falling over backwards and making himself look like a damn fool because he has to be with you. And even then… give the guy a few years… men have this thing where they like to pursue something madly that they can’t have… well that doesn’t make you his LOVE forever.. you’re just a very challenging video game in that sense. Don’t fall for the ish. If you are a REAL believer of love.. you won’t FALL for that fluff.

Now am I saying go whore yourself out? No. That part is up to your discretion. It’s not the path I’m gonna take, but some women some how enjoy popping their muffins all around town. I’m sure there’s an art form to that sensitive part of dating, but I expect you will fine tune that in your own experience. I’m not one to judge.

That’s my two cents anyways. The romantic and “in love” feelings you have for a person… is mainly chemical. What you really want is commitment.. loyality.. eternal friendship. Don’t get wrapped up in  these dudes.. especially if you find

him in the wrong place. You’ll be surprised what you can “fall in love with” so you really have to be careful from the get g0. AND NO you are not a shallow gold digger if you want your man to have a good job and plenty of money. We are letting these dogs get off too easy. Keep the bar high.

That’s if you didn’t already know.

Natural

I made a decision to go natural about 5 months ago.

What is “going natural”?

It’s an absurd notion if you really think about it. A NUMBER of black women of today can not live without their every-six- week perm or their weave sewed in, glued in, or stapled in. I feel I can talk strongly about these women because I was one of them. Now it’s coming to light that those perms cause severe issues. Consequently, we have a growing number of black women finally deciding to STOP with the harsh chemicals (and harsh isn’t even a strong enough word for the degree of destruction those relaxer chemicals cause) and let their hair grow *GASP* exactly how it does without any alterations.

I remember when I was about 17 or so. I was experiencing some severe flaking of the scalp for no apparent reason. I was born with a healthy scalp, never had an issue. In fact, it was my sister that had a scalp problem that was miraculously cured by this outstanding doctor before she reached middle school. I figured a doctor could do the same for me. Boy was I sorely disappointed. This man was talking some crazy bonkers bullish. He told me I had to stop getting perms if I wanted to see a regression in my scalp condition. WHAT? Was this man RACIST? Did he know NOTHING of black women? WE get perms! If I don’t get a perm, I am a laughing stalk to all racists.I can’t DO my unpermed hair… for all I know, my hair will eat me ALIVE if I don’t perm it.

I remember I when I was in the Air force… I was one of the two black women, and people in the entire building, in my language learning class. The other black woman was this gorgeous 30 some Lieutenant that always had her shit together. I was a lowly E-2 airman so I never really sought to compare myself with this bombshell. One of her friends had came into to talk to her, this burly white male marine. We happened to be talking hair and I don’t know how his bold ass got into our conversation but he looked me right in the face and said I needed a perm, that my hair looked nappy in the back…. O my. I wish I was there for that Amber today. I’d have some choice words for ole boy. He ended up apologizing to me the next day because that’s how far my face fell at his flattering comments.

I remember when I was in 4th grade. I sat next to this Asian girl in class. She was an average looking Asian girl… meaning she was cute as hell without hardly any effort on her part. I remember becoming obsessed with her hair. “How do you get your hair like that? So silky?” She said, “I just wash it everyday and brush it” Tell me why my lame butt goes home and sits in the bathroom for near 2 hours washing my hair and hoping the kinkiness and roughness just runs down the tub drain leaving me with silky free Asian hair? Next day I tell her ” I did exactly what you said, and my hair never got that silky” She curls her lip at me… “I don’t think you can get your hair like mine. Its completely different” What she meant to say is… didn’t any one ever tell you, you were black, you idiot? You can imagine how the rest of that year was for me. Not one of my most shining star years.

I tell these stories just to illustrate how diluted we are when raising our black girls of today. We do NOT have hair like Asian girls, white girls, or Hispanics. Our hair is kinky and curly… we need to accept it and love it and move on already. People like Beyonce are doing a really fucked up job helping the delusion of our black women. Do you know we spend 100s and 1000s of dollars a year in upkeep for our hair? And no, this is not the figures for women that are high maintenance and are trying to keep a playboy bunny look in the Florida Keys. This is regular hard working, single mothers, scraping up EVERY last dollar they can to buy that next weave or touch up that last perm. Its ridiculous. Its a lie. Its  a LIE!! We need to really stop with the drama and come to terms with loving the hair that grows directly out of our scalps. Its not the WHITE people that hate our Afros, its US. We need to let the drama go and MAKE people deal with the REAL us.

Not only is it a fake identity that we are trying to keep up with, we are also damaging our scalp, hair, and bodies for life. There are “permanent” risks and damage involved with perming hair. Yes, some women get along great with their long, flowing straight hair dangling past their shoulders, but why haven’t we REALIZED that is in the far and few category?? Every black girl I see has the same bob brushing to their shoulders. Thinning, short hair. And we call SHOULDER length hair LONG hair. Ya know, screw that noise. That’s another lie. We can have long healthy, strong hair, if we just quit destroying our hair the minute it peeks out from the scalp. I mean, its just a disgusting, painful, and horrible process… we need to end that madness now. Do you know that black people don’t even own or have any part in all this craze that we eat up at asian stories and the “ethnic” section at Walmart? Why won’t anyone sell products that actually benefit BLACK natural hair? Because that would put a hell of a lot of people straight out of business.

I know this argument is as good as a vegan tryna convert Cowboy Dan from Long Cow’s steakhouse… but this is one thing I really think would benefit our culture as a whole. I think it could be one of the last factors to really learning to love the fact that we are black… and not that is not a disadvantage to be black nor is it second class to other races. We are not all the same -no. We all have AWESOME differences that we should embrace. I think our hair is one thing that would really help our mentality.

Ugly?? You tell me..

Yes the last one is me.

Stepping off my box.